King of thehill Tying Knots
Authorsnote: Okay, so I used to watch King of the Hill a bit when I waslittle, but I just now started watching the reruns every night abouta month or so ago. So if things arent accurate, its because Ihavent been watching it since show 1, okay? But Im pretty sureits pretty accurate, because when I get into a show, I really getinto it. ;)
Dale tries tomake cigarettes taste like oreo cookies; Bobby finds that the coolcrowd isnt as cool as they think they are
Chapter 1:
The four menwere standing outside Hanks house in front of the fence, as theydid every afternoon after work.
Yep,Hank said.
Yep,Bill added.
Yep,Dale commented.
Mm-hmm,Boomhouer said, standing out as usual.
Hank decidedto start the conversation with what happened at his work. Well,guys, today at Strickland Propane, we but he was shortlyinterrupted by Dale, angering Hank a bit.
What if Isomehow made cigarettes taste like oreos? he wonderedthoughtfully.
Everyone wassilent for a moment and then his friends burst out laughing.
What? Imserious, guys!
How couldyou even think of an idea so dumb? Hank asked.
I used mybrains.
Whatbrains, man? Boomhouer commented.
Hey,Bill said. I think its a good idea. If he could make thishappen, I might take up smoking.
See,Hank? Dale said. It would get non-smokers to start smoking!
Thatsnot a good thing, Dale.
Yes itis! More ka-ching for me!
Well, Ican assure you, I would never ever smoke, no matter what thecigarette tasted like. Smoking is bad.
So isdrinking, but I see youve got a beer in your hand right now, sothere, he huffed with a cross of his arms.
Thatsdifferent. Smoking can kill.
Whatever,Hank. You go your way, Ill go mine. You make the small bucks, Illmake the big bucks. You sell the gas, and Ill kick some ass!</P P>
Hank sighed,knowing that there was nothing he could say to get Dale to change hismind. Once he got an idea, no matter how stupid, he was going tofollow through with it. And Hank would be there for him when his planfailed, as usual.
When Hankwalked in his house after their little chat, he said, Guess whatcrazy scheme Dales thought of now?
What?Peggy asked, as she set the table.
He thinkshes going to try to make cigarettes taste like oreo cookies.
Uhthatsreally strange.
IllsayHey Bobby, he said to his son as he walked in the kitchen.
Yeah,Dad?
You wouldnever smoke a cigarette would you, even if it tasted like oreos?
OREOS?his eyes got wide. A cigarette that tastes like oreos? Is theresuch a thing? Ive got to tell the guys
Hank did adouble take. What? God dang it, Bobby. What are you talkingabout?
Ah, I wasjust kidding, Dad
But Hankdidnt look so sure of his son. Well, just promise me you wouldnever smoke.
Of courseI wouldnt, Dad
***
That night,Dale was in the basement, working very hard on his new plan. Well,trying to anyway. He had a pack of oreos and a pack of cigarettesdown with him, setting on the desk.
Nancy justfinished making dinner and realized that once again, her husband wasnowhere in sight. He had come home that evening, so he wasnt atwork. He must be in the basement again. She walked down the steps andfound her husband leaning over a pack of oreo cookies.
Sug, whatare you doing?
Gettingon my way to becoming rich and famous.
Notagain, she sighed. Well, dinners ready when you are.
Well Imnot hungry. Ive been eating these oreos.
Nancy gavehim a strange look, but shrugged and started to walk back upstairs, alittle sadly. Her and Dale never really so much as crossed pathsanymore. Itd been like that for quite some time now. And her lovefor John Redcorn that was still lingering inside her forbiddinglydidnt help much either.
WaitNancy, Dale said.
Her heartpumped fast for a moment. Yes, sug? she turned around, a littlehopefully.
Can youbring me another pack of oreos?
Her heartsank and her face fell. Alright.
She cameback down quickly empty handed, though. Im sorry, sug. Theresno more oreos. Why dont you just come upstairs and forget aboutall this for right now?
Never.Im going to the grocery store to get some more.
Nancy sighedand looked down. Well, whatever you want. She went backupstairs and he went to the store. As she sat at the dinner table,she couldnt seem to eat much dinner. She just sat picking at herfood and finally just threw her fork down. She couldnt take itanymore. She always felt like Dale and her should be something morethan they were, probably so she could get over John Redcorn. But thefact he was either at work, with the guys, or in the basement all thetime, didnt help any at all. She was forced to let her thoughtsdrift to John Redcorn. His tan, sexy bodythe way he spoke, the wayhe moved, the way he touched her
Nancy shookher head, as if to clear it. She was married to Dale now. She had tostop thinking about John. She loved Dale, or she wouldnt havemarried him, right? Then why did thoughts of John Redcorn keepcreeping upon her? Was it because she and Dale didnt spend enoughtime together? Because she was a woman and needed to be loved, andthere was never much love coming from Dale. But she knew in the backof her mind that Johns love would always be waiting for her. Itwas so tempting.
Nancyglanced out the window to see Boomhouer over at the Hills with hisshirt off. She couldnt help but stare with almost a longing lust.She shook her head again. She seriously needed to do something abouther and Dales relationship. She needed someone to love her beforeshe went over the edge. She stood up, walked over to her window, andclosed the blinds. She put dinner up and then she found some candlesand took them up to her and Dales bedroom. She placed them aroundthe room and lit them, and then flicked the lights out. Nancy thenwent to the basement, shut the door, and locked it. He wasnt goingback in there tonight.
She then saton the bed and waited.
Veryshortly, Dale came back home and went straight to the basement withhis pack of oreos. But when he tried to wiggle the door handle, itwouldnt budge. What the hell? he wondered aloud. He keptjiggling and pulling like a moron, trying to get the door open.NANCY! he yelled. Whys the basement door locked?! WhenNancy didnt provide him with an answer, however, he went to gofind her. Nancy! he called. Where are you?
In thebedroom, sug! she called back.
Dale thenproceeded to the bedroom to find Nancy in a nice short silkynightgown, lying on the bed.
Nancy?he said.
Yes,sug?
Whysthe basement locked? I need in there.
Nancy rolledher eyes. What do you want more? To get into the basementor toget into me? she raised her eyebrows up and down with aseductive smile on her face.
Umthebasement.
Nancysface fell. Oh, I see she looked away, blinking back tears.She had really thought this through, tooShe had it all planned outand of course he would ruin it
Somethingswrong, Dale noted aloud. When Nancy didnt say anything, hesaid, Nancy, whats going on? Whats all the candles for?
Itsnothing she said, still not looking at Dale.
Nancy. Iknow somethings up. Please just tell me what it is. You can tellme he gently turned her to face him to see that her face wasred, splotchy, and tear stained. Youre cryingPlease dontcry, he touched her arm briefly, sending chills up her spine.Tell me whats on your mind.
She wantedto tell him everything inside her head, but instead it came out likethis. Sug, we really haventI mean, we need toOurrelationship is Then she came to get herself to spurt out, Iwant to have a baby, sug. Maybe having a baby with Dale would makeit all better. Make them closer.
A baby,Nancy?
Yes, sug.A baby. Josephs going to be grown before we know it. I want tohave a little one.
Well,uhWe have Joseph. Isnt that enough?
Itsnot the same, sug
Yes itis. What are you talking about?
You dontunderstand
No, Idont understand. I dont understand you at all. I wantto understand you, though, sweetheart.
Nancy lookedup surprisingly at Dale. You called me sweetheart.
Well, Ilove you.
You do?
Well, ofcourse I do, Nancy. And I want to understand you better.
I want tounderstand you too, Dale. Her saying Dales name even surprisedher a bit.
***
The nextafternoon, Bobby came home from hanging with his friends.
Hi,Bobby, Peggy said as he walked in the door. I just madecookies. Would you like one? she asked, gesturing toward thecookie jar on the counter full of fresh chocolate chip cookies.
Sure,Mom. Thanks. He walked over and helped himself to a cookie.
Peggynoticed a foul, but familiar smell. She bent over closer to Bobby andsniffed. Bobby Hill, you smell like smoke. How dare you! You justgot through telling your father that you would never smoke.
But Iwasnt smoking
Then whydo you smell like smoke then, huh?
Josephand the guys were.
Andyoure telling me that you didnt. Bobby, youre hanging outwith the wrong kind of friends. Whatever happened to Connie?
I dumpedher because she wasnt cool.
Wasntcool? She was the coolest girl Ive seen you with yet!
Shesthe only girl youve seen me with yet, Bobby muttered.
Thatsnot the point, Bobby. She was a very nice, studious girl and wasperfect for you. How dare you dump her because she wasnt coolenough for you. What is cool to you kids now days? A cigarettehanging out of their mouth? That is just not attractive, Bobby.
I knowshe was nice and all, Mom, but
Butwhat?
I dontknow… he sighed.
Go toyour room, Bobby. When your father comes home, Im sure hesgoing to want to talk to you.
Okayhe slumped off to his room.
And giveme that cookie, she demanded.
Bobby turnedaround just long enough for Peggy to snatch what was left of hiscookie out of his hand.
Later thatevening, there was a knock at Bobbys bedroom door.
Come in,Bobby called, knowing it was most likely his father.
Hank lethimself in and sat on the bed beside Bobby. Bobby, your mothertells me that you came home smelling like smoke today.
Yeah,because Joseph and the guys were smoking. I wasnt smoking, Iswear! he exclaimed defensively.
I believeyou, Bobby, because I trust you. But I think youre hanging outwith the wrong crowd.
No Imnot. They just smoke. Other than that, theyre great friends!
Greatfriends pressuring you to be cool?
What doyou mean, Dad?
I mean,that those friends youre hanging out with are not as cool as theythink they are. Smoking does not make you cool. And hanging out witha crowd like that doesnt make you cool either. And it doesntgive you the right to label your girlfriend as uncool and dumpher because of it.
I know,Dad, but
Butnothing. You have invited Connie over for dinner tonight.
I have?Bobby asked, confused.
Yes, youhave. The doorbell rang at that time. There she is now. Goanswer the door, Bobby.
Bobby sighedand went downstairs slowly.
He answeredthe door to see Connie standing there. Hi, Connie.
HiBobby, she smiled shyly.
Come onin. He stepped back to let his ex girlfriend in. This is soawkward, he thought to himself.
It was sonice of you to invite me to dinner, Bobby, she said as they walkedto the kitchen. It was such a surprise.
Yeah. It wasa surprise, Bobby muttered.
All throughdinner, it was pretty silent until Hank broke the silence with,Sowhat have you been up to, Connie?
Studying,she shrugged.
But itssummer! Bobby protested.
Imtaking summer school.
Why?Youre smart!
Imtaking advanced courses to get some of my college out of the way.
Wow!Peggy exclaimed. You sure are on top of things, Connie.
Thankyou, Mrs. Hill, she smiled.
After theydall got finished eating, Peggy said, Bobby, why dont you takeConnie up to your room? I imagine you both have some catching up todo.
Bobby lookedat his mother with a sarcastic thanks look. Okay hesighed. Come on, Connie. She followed him up to his room. Assoon as they walked inside, though, they heard Peggy yell, Do notshut your bedroom door, Bobby!
Okay,Mom! he called back down, irritated. The two kids then sat down onBobbys bed. So Bobby said slowly. This is officiallyawkward
Conniedidnt seem to think so. She burst out, Why did you break upwith me?
This tookBobby aback. UmWell, you see, Connieyou just arent cool.
Im notcool?! Well, if your definition of cool is smoking cigarettes andhanging out with obnoxious hooligans, then I guess Im notcool!
WellBobby said slowly, looking away.
BobbyHill! You look at me right now! Bobby turned to face her with anembarrassed look on his face. You know very well that the onlyreason youre saying these things are because of your friends. Andif your friends are telling you such nonsense, then I would say theyarent your friends!
Oh,Connie. Of course they are. And I just dont think that yourethe right girl for me. Im cool, youre not. Enough said.
Oooh!she started boiling with anger. Bobby Hill! You are the mostlackadaisical person Ive ever met! She hopped off the bedangrily and started to leave the room.
What doesthat mean? Bobby scratched his head.
Conniewhipped around and spat, It means you dont care! Becauseobviously you dont she said sadly, turned, and left.
Oh,dear Bobby sighed.
***
Nancy andDale had talked for hours the previous night, and were talking againthat night as well. Theyd started to understand each other a bit.
WowDale said. Our relationship really does suck.
Oh, itsokay, sug. We can fix it.
Dale sighedand with a bit of hesitation, put his arm around her. She smiled athim and snuggled closer.
After amoment, Nancy said quietly, Now what about that baby?
NancyDale sighed. We dont have the time or the money
Time? Wehave all the time in the world, sug. And moneywell, we could makedo with what weve got. We can make it work.
Nancy, Ilike sex as much as the next guy, but I dont think Im ready fora baby right now.
Come on,Dale, she put on a puppy dog face. You know you want meshe smiled that seductive smile again.
Wellhe pondered aloud. She did look rather nice and he liked itwhen she said his actual name instead of the usual sug. Areyou still on the pill?
Uhofcourse, she lied through her teeth, looking away. Shed gottenoff the pill years ago.
Wellokay, then my darling, get ready for the ride of your life!
Oh, Ilove it when you use terms of endearment, Dale!
And Ilove it when you say my name, Nancy!
***
The nextmorning, Nancy went over to the Hills house to visit Peggy. Peggynoticed Nancy was in a very good mood and said, Nancy, what areyou so happy about?
Oh,youll never believe it, Peggy!
Try me,she set the rag she was drying a dish with down on the counter, alongwith the dish.
Dale madelove to me last night! she squealed like a little school girl.
Peggysjaw dropped and then she muttered, You lucky bastard.
Arentyou happy for me, Peggy? Dale and I have been growing more and moreapart for years
When wereyou ever close? she kind of chuckled and then she saw the look onNancys face and said, Of course Im happy for you, Nancy. Imsure its very exciting for you.
And weactually talked, Peggy. I mean actually talked. Wehavent done that inwell, I dont think we ever havedone that.
Imhappy for you, Nancy. This is really good for your relationship withDale.
I know!Maybe it wont fall apart after all!
UntilJohn Redcorn shows up, that is.
Why wouldhe show up?
Why dontyou ask him? Peggy pointed at the window. Nancys eyesfollowed to where she was pointing and saw John Redcorn standing onthe Gribbles front step.
Oh dear,Nancy sighed.
Do youwant me to go punch him for you? Because I will. Ive punched RandyTravis before, so I would have no problem punching John Redcorn.
No, thatwont be necessary, Peggy Nancy started to walk out theHills door to head over to her house.
I hopeyou do the right thing, Nancy, Peggy told her just before Nancywas out the door.
(after themeplays, Dale shouts You sell the gas, Ill kick some ass!again)