King Of The Hill Porno Story: AC Adoptor Chapter Two

It was evening when the small convoy reached home. Two of the cars parked, then Hank and Dale congregated to watch Bill attempt to park the convertible. Hank to make sure nothing happened, and Dale to catch it if something did happen.

Dale lit a cigarette and said smiling, ..Bet ya five-to-one he scratches it.

Hanks eyes widened at the probable odds. He trotted over to Bill, who was inching toward Boomhauers driveway, tongue out in concentration.

Bill! Hank waved, coming up next to him, Bill, wait a minute. Maybe youd better let someone else park that for ya. You havent exactly had the best luck with other peoples stuff..

Oh, thats alright, Hank. I can handle it! assured Bill, Look!

He pulled the car forward slightly, and promptly knocked over Boomhauers garbage cans.

Whoops.

Thats it Bill, get outta there! Hank said, and quickly changed places with him. As Hank parked the car, Dale shot Bill a thumbs-up.

Just then, Dales front door opened and an angry looking Nancy stuck her head out. Dale, get in here! Joseph and I would like a word with you!

Dale looked at her, then his van.

Drat. he groused, I knew I forgot to bring something.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

Out over the ocean, the sun cast its evening rays. In the water, a slight stirring occurred. Bubbles rose in a small, concentrated area, and Boomhauer erupted, gasping, from below the surface. A surfboard came up next to him, which he grabbed and pulled himself up to sit on. Casting his eyes over the water, he found that land was nowhere in sight.

Dang ol, undertow man. he cursed to himself.

Looking around once more and deciding he wasnt going to be getting any help tonight, he stretched himself out on the surfboard and closed his eyes. In moments he was snoring.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

The sun rose over Arlen hotter than ever. The birds even heaved in the trees, too hot to call out.

Hank entered his kitchen for breakfast, wiping his brow with the back of his arm.

Whew! Now this is hot. he commented to Peggy as he sat down.

I know! she agreed, In fact its the hottest. The news this morning said today is the hottest day ever recorded in Arlen. Weve even entered a state of drought because of it. She plopped a couple of pancakes and sausages onto Hanks plate with a chink.

Chink? he questioned, eyebrow raised. He poked a pancake with his fork. It was solid!

I thought a cold breakfast might help. Peggy explained, So after I cooked them, I froze them. But dont worry, if you dont like it, leave it out. With this heat itll be done in about fifteen minutes. She cut into her own pancakes and chewed on a bite of one. It crunched loudly.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

Hank was outside pulling weeds. The sweat rolled down his face as he struggled with a particularly difficult dandelion. He tugged, and tugged, reaffirmed his grip, gave a final yank, and landed on his rear as the plant was uprooted.

Ha! Got ya ya dang lawn killer. he gloated to the dead plant.

Whats this? Hank Hill, talking to flowers? a voice cut in, Heat must be getting to you, hillbilly neighbor!

Hank looked up to see Kahn Souphanousinphone smirking at him from his own lawn.

You so stupid. Kahn continued, If you were smart, youd stay inside, with air conditioner.

Yeah, well if youre so smart whyre you out here? Hank countered, standing and dusting himself.

Oh, I just come to tell you about my new home cooling system. Kahn shrugged.

New home cooling system? Hank couldnt help but ask.

Yeees, new home cooling system! Kahn sneered, You know, yesterday, when all you hillbillies went to the beach? Well my family do smart thing. We go out and buy Mr. Freezeypants!

Hank quirked an eyebrow.

Mr. Freezeypants..? he echoed.

Yeees, Mr. Freezeypants. Brand name! Kahn elaborated, Now, thanks to cooling system, my house like Arctic!

Hanks eyes glazed over as he thought about frozen tundras and snow banks.

And you cant come use it! Kahn shot meanly, and walked back to his house, cackling madly.

Hank frowned in a kind of sad shock. Deciding to shrug it off, he tried to go back to weeding, but in only a few moments threw down his handful of dandelions with a frustrated snort. He pulled off his gardening gloves and walked around to the alley, where Bill and Dale were already gathered. Taking a beer from the cooler, Hank noticed something still missing.

So, Boomhauer not back yet? he questioned.

Nope. Dale shrugged.

Dont seem like it. Bill added.

Huh. Hank stated blandly, So uh, yer still locked out of yer house, Dale? Everyone kinda heard..

Yup. nodded Dale, But dont worry, I wont be mooching off you guys..Im mooching off of Boomhauer, seeing as how hes not around to say no, or actually use any of his stuff.

Sounds reasonable to me! chirped Bill.

What? No it doesnt! objected Hank, Dale, ya cant use stuff without permission like that. Its practically stealing!

Practically. pointed out Dale, Besides, you want me to come live with you?

Good point; I withdraw my objection.

I thought you might.

Silence settled over them.

Yup. offered out Bill.

Yup. agreed Dale.

Yup. Added Hank, and sipped his beer. The silence stretched on, and at last he just had to ask, So, uh, have either of you heard about Kahns new cooling system?

Yes! Bill pounced immediately, Oh thank you Hank, I thought itd never get brought up.

Yeah, Kahns been dancing in his window all morning, rubbing it in our faces. complained Dale, Weve been waiting for him to get to you so you could help us infiltrate.

Infiltrate? wondered Hank.

Dale gave a curt nod.

Even I must admit this weather is a tad steamy. Kahn has the solution, which we must somehow obtain. Do you not wish to feel the icy waves of heat combating wonder?

Well.. Hank smiled into space, thinking of cold.

Thats as close as were gettin to a yes! When dwe start? Bill interjected, beaming.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

Boomhauer slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up. He let out a yawn and cast his gaze to his surroundings. Frowning, he noted how he hadnt appeared to move at all. He let out a sigh.

Deciding to try getting himself ashore, he shielded his eyes and looked skyward. Using the sun to determine north, Boomhauer slipped off the board and, using it like a rather large kickboard, attempted to swim his way to where he approximated land to be. Unfortunately, he struggled.

Dang ol..current man..talkin..getin nowhere fast man. he told himself, panting.

After a few minutes, and seemingly not making any progress, he pulled himself back onto the board and flopped down in exhaustion. It was then that his stomach opted to tell him that it was hungry by rumbling loudly. Boomhauer glanced at it briefly before turning on his side and staring at the waters sadly.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

The small group of infiltration planners was gathered in the Hills kitchen. Hank and Bill sat at the table while Dale stationed himself at the dry erase board.

Ok, as self proclaimed leader, I get to come up with the first plan. Dale announced, picking up a marker, Hank, as the brain, you will assess the possibility of execution and be in charge of material listing. Any questions so far?

Oo! Oo! Bill raised his hand. What part am I? Somethin cool I hope.

Mmmm-no. replied Dale, Youre..more like an appendix. Expendable and..not much else.

Neat. Bill grinned, Im expendable.

Hank rolled his eyes at the two.

Judging from your eye roll, I should just get on with it, shouldnt I? Dale noted.

Sometime today if you dont mind. Hank huffed.

Very well. Prepare yourself for the master of all master plans planned by master planners! Dale said ominously, and started drawing on the board as he narrated. Here is our goal: the icy recesses of the Souphanousinphone house. I suggest that we dig a tunnel from here, Hanks shed, (nice and inconspicuous) surface inside the residence here at point B, sleep gas the family, tie them to a tree outside or something, and then bask in the frigid waves of victory!

Here he drew three little happy stick figures dancing in the Souphanousinphones living room.

Hank looked as Dales expectant face, and said plainly, That has got to be the absolute worst plan you or anyone else has ever come up with.

Dale sagged sadly, and just then Peggy walked into the room. She paused, eyeing the dry erase board and then the group.

Alright, somebody tell me. she demanded, What is going on here?

Um, well ysee Peggy.. Hank stumbled, Were just uh, were..

Were gonna sneak into Kahns house so we can use his fancy air conditioner! Bill blabbed.

Peggy gasped.

The Mr. Freezeypants? she asked, The one that Minh will not shut up about?

The very same. Dale confirmed, Those frozen britches will soon be in our clutches.

Hmph. Not with that plan theyre not. Peggy told him, You need to be more subtle, and up front. As in, front door up front. The front door is the most direct portal into any household.

Peggy, whatre you talkin about? Hank questioned.

Youll see. she smiled mischievously, But first, who wants a frozen sandwich? I was just about to get one.

Me! Dale and Bill shouted in unison, arms shooting up.

Ugh.. Hank shuddered.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Soon, Peggy was standing outside the Souphanousinphones house, and the others were hiding at the end of the walkway. Hank and Bill were behind the fence; Dale had encased himself in one of the rose bushes.

Taking a breath to ready herself, Peggy rang the doorbell. After a few seconds the door opened to reveal Minh, who wore a light blue wool turtleneck over her usual clothes.

Oh its you Peggy Hill. What do you want? was Minhs greeting.

Peggy closed her eyes briefly as the cold from inside spilled into the outdoors, sighing happily.

What you want? Minh asked again, more insistently.

Oh. Right. Peggy started, reverting back to reality, Well, I just thought Id come over, pay you a visit, that sort of thing.

Well visit payed. Now go away. Minh answered, and attempted to close the door.

Wait! Peggy exclaimed, stopping the door, I, uh, need to use your bathroom! Mines quarantined.

Minh gave her a strange look, but then her face stretched into a sly grin.

Ooooh, I get it. she smirked, Hillbillies want to use new home cooling system.. She was about to say more, but Dale suddenly erupted from his hiding spot.

Shes on to us! he yelled, Storm the house!

Aaaaah! Minh shrieked, Gribble! Get out of my roses this instant!

Dale, who had tried to rush the house, found himself tangled and instead fell over.

Oooww! he cried as he landed in more thorns.

Peggy took this as the moment to retreat. She ran down the path, and yanked Dale out of the bushes along the way while calling, Fall back! Back to the war room, hut two!

War room? Hank echoed as he trotted after her.

Back in the Hills kitchen, Peggy paced back and forth tersely in front of the table, around which Hank, Dale and Bill sat somewhat nervously.

Ok, the friendly approach didnt work. Peggy raved, So, lets try the sympathy approach. Somebody go get Bobby and we can stage a heat stroke. Kids always win sympathy points. Or wait, Connie might let us in. We could try the sensitive approach. Or better yet, a distraction!

Excuse me, Dale interrupted, but as leader, I must remind you that youve already used your turn. If we make it through a round, then you can make another plan, but-

Peggy snarled viciously.

Gih! Dale cringed, and fell silent.

Hank sighed.

How bout we just ask to come in really nicely? he suggested, Im sure if theyre not riled up, theyll see how uncomfortable we are and see the error of their ways. Then we can all enjoy the cooling system without hassle.

There was a moment of silence, then everyone but Hank burst out laughing.

Good one Hank. Bill grinned, Minh and Kahn, seein the error of their ways..

Yeah, thatll be the day. agreed Dale.

Im serious! Hank insisted, effectively silencing the room.

..Really? Dale asked.

Come on Hank, you know that wont work. Peggy told him, Minh and Kahn just walk all over manners.

Im telling you, calm, logical and to the points the best way to go. Hank countered, Come on, Ill prove it to ya. He stood.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

SLAM! Kahn slammed the door in Hanks face.

Told ya! Dale announced sardonically. The others nodded. By the way, this counts as your turn.

Hank gave an annoyed glare and walked off.

So, Bill.. Dale went on, throwing an arm over his friends shoulders, You work for the army. Pick up any secret war tactics that might help us?

Nope. Sorry. Bill shrugged, Barbers dont usually get to do much in that area.

So?! Why should that stop you? demanded Dale, then muttered, Appendix.

Peggy just quirked an eyebrow.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Tweeeeet!

Boomhauer sat up, alert.

Tweeeeet!

He looked around, but saw nothing. He whacked the side of his head a couple of times, thinking maybe his ears were ringing or he was hearing things.

Tweeeeet!

Boomhauer looked around again, but this time he spotted something far off on the horizon. He shielded his eyes and squinted, trying to see, and the next second his eyes widened in shock at what they saw. An old fashioned schooner ship was sailing toward him! He shook his head, fearing hallucination, but the ship remained, and the ship whistle sounded again. As it pulled up near him, a modern day life preserver was thrown over the side to him.

Avast there! Grab hold! a voice called.

Boomhauer didnt argue. Smiling, he grabbed the floatation ring, and almost immediately was hauled up. As he emerged over the side, however, his expression changed once more to surprise and confusion. The ship was filled with men and a few women wearing poofy shirts, assorted jewelry and hats.

Well hello! greeted a cheerful man in a fancy coat and hat. He also wore an eyepatch. Coming forward to shake Boomhauers hand he went on, Welcome aboard The Playwright. Im Captain Herschel. What say we get ya some real clothes and a bite, eh lad?

Boomhauers eyes slid back and forth, wondering what kind of weirdoes these people were, but he nodded anyway, and was led below deck to a galley.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

Boomhauer tugged at his poofy white shirt with one arm, and held an apple, which he was presently chewing, in the other.

He was seated in the captains office, across from the captains desk. Hed just finished telling Captain Herschel about how hed been swept out to sea by the undertow. The captain sympathized, and said hed gladly drop Boomhauer off back in Arlen. Boomhauer nodded thanks at that, but one thing was still unclear.

So man dang ol-what is this place man talkin bout-what you doin like? he inquired.

The captains smile stayed frozen on his face as it looked like he mulled something over, and then fell flat as Herschel gripped his jacket lapels.

I really shouldnt be breaking character, he stated, but whatever, Im the captain. Ahem. My friend this, is The Playwright, an exact replica of an actual 16th century schooner ship and we, are her loyal crew. We are an acting club, and this week were reenacting the age of piracy! I play the friendly but totally insane Captain Herschel. My crew never knows what Ill do next. Lots of ad-libbing. Exciting scenario, dont you think?

Boomhauer shrugged slightly, feeling a bit uneasy.

Well I thought so. Herschel shrugged in return, then changed his posture and expression as he got back into character. So, now ya know, lad. And just so ye know somethin else: as long as yer on this ship, yer part of her crew. So until we find the time to return you to yer land of Arlen, you be a swabbie, ya hear?

He thrust a mop that was next to his desk at Boomhauer. Boomhauer took it nervously, dropping his apple in the process.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Dale drummed his fingers on the Hills kitchen table in irritation. Once more the group was trying to come up with a plan, this time around a meal.

It was Bills turn to come up with something, and it was taking him so long that dinnertime was upon them; so Peggy decided to just serve everybody along with her family.

No one said a word. The sound of Dales fingers was all that broke the silence as everyone stole glance after glance at Bill, who chewed thoughtfully on a hunk of frozen well done steak.

At last, Dale couldnt take it anymore. Jamming a fork into his frozen mashed potatoes he burst, God Bill, dont you have anything? Its been like six hours!

Bill flinched.

Uh, no. he informed guiltily. Everyone groaned, and apologetically Bill said, Im not good at formulatin fancy elaborate plans. He looked at his plate.

We could try to lure em out with food.. he offered, holding the plate up, That works on me sometimes.

Alright, that does it. Dale declared, As leader, I declare an open floor. If anyone has a plan, say so. Even you, Bobby.

Oh, cool! Bobby exclaimed, Uhh, we could send out a peace offering, but then sneak in while theyre busy with it. We read about these Trojan guys one time in history class who tried that, and it worked perfectly. They killed everyone!

Were not tryin to kill anyone here Bobby. lectured Hank. He sighed. Does anyone else have something we havent tried..?

Looks were exchanged, but no one had anything.

A-hem.. smirked Dale gloatingly, drawing attention to himself, if no one else has anything, then I believe it is time to try my plan.

Hank scoffed and rolled his eyes, but the rest of the tables faces eagerly lit up.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I cant believe were doin this. voiced Hank, the only one not digging in the half-done tunnel, In fact, I cant believe you talked me into de-flooring my shed like this.

So youve been repeating for the past hour. Dale responded in annoyance, We got it, you have morals. Now either start helping us dig, or no Mr. Freezeypants for you.

But this way just doesnt seem right. M-Maybe I should go try talkin to em again. Hank suggested.

Hank, Peggy addressed, pausing in her shoveling, do you want to die tomorrow? I heard its supposed to reach a hundred and twelve! We need that air conditioner, Hank. Need it! She returned to her attack on the dirt in front of her.

Hank fidgeted, looking back and forth from the team (now including Bobby) to the exit. After a brief internal struggle, he scrunched his eyes shut, sighed, and picked up a shovel. His teammates smiled at him as he began digging next to them.