King ofThe Hill
A Peggy & LuanneEpisode: “Back 2 Back”
Act I
Part I : Hank Returns Home
(Atnighttime, Hank’s truck pulls up in front of 123 Rainey Street)
(each departing membersays “goodbye”)
Bill:”Good-bye, Hank!”
Dale:”Bye!”
Joseph:”Catch ya later, Bobby!”
Boomhauer:”Dang ol’ see ya.”
(Hank’struck pulls into the garage)
(from inside theHills’ residence, Peggy puts a dinosaur model under display glass,displayed over the living room fireplace)
Peggy:”Yep, Luanne. I believe I have really outdone myself with thisone.”
Luanne:”But we worked on this together.”
Peggy:”Uh-huh..”
(Hank and Bobby enterthru the back door; Peggy and Luanne go to meet them)
Peggy:(hugs Hank) “Oh Hank, I am so glad to see you!”(Hank half-heartedly pats Peggy on the back)
Luanne:”So how was it?”
Bobby:(excited) “It was GREAT! The water was thrivingwith fish! And Joseph and I saw foxes, owls, rabbits, raccoons, andeven a BEAR!”
(calm) “…And we slept undera blanket of warm, blue stars.” (excited again) “Wethought it would NEVER end!”
Hank:(chuckles) “Okay, Bobby. It’s time for your shower.”(Bobby goes off to take a shower)
(sigh)“It’s great to see the boy soenthusiastic about nature.”
Peggy:(suggestively y) “So Hank…you ready to RE-explorenature?”
Hank:”But we just…” (thinks then laughs naughtily) “Oh,I get it.”
(Hankand Peggy go off to their bedroom; Luanne goes to her room)
Luanne:”Good night, Unca Hank! Good night, Aunt Peggy!”
Hank& Peggy: “Good night, Luanne.”
Part II: Luanne’s Diary
(Luannecloses her room door, goes to her dresser, and opens the top drawer.)
(Shepulls out a small diary. She goes over to her writing desk, turns onthe lamp, and grabs a pencil)
Luanne: (writing in her diary) “Deardiary, I have just gone thru THE weirdest weekend ever! I spent 48hours stuck with Aunt Peggy. You’re probably wondering how oneweekend that was supposed to be so perfect went so wrong. (turnspage) Well, I promised Aunt Peggy I wouldn’t tell anyone, buthere goes…”
(flashback begins)
Part III: Hank and Company Leaves
Luanne:(diary) “It all started on Friday morning, thefirst weekend of summer…”
(Hankfinishes loading up the truck with camping supplies)
Hank:”C’mon, fellers. Let’s getta move on!”
(Bill,Boomhauer, Bobby, Joseph, and Dale walk to the truck with theircamping supplies)
Bobby:”The first weekend of summer vacation; this is going to be thebest camping trip ever!”
Joseph:”Yeah! I am SO psyched for this trip.”
Bobby:”I’m gonna get into a staring contest with an owl, and a runningcontest with a rabbit!”
Joseph:”And I’m gonna wrestle a bear..once he comes acorss our campingsite, he’s going down!”
(boysquivering eagerly)
Hank:”Let’s go, boys. There’s nature afoot.” (everyone boardsthe truck)
“Gentlemen, this weekend, we will do it all.Hunting, fishing, camp fires…everything. Yep, we will embraceMother Nature like the natural-born woodsmen we are. (startsengine)
(Peggyruns out the front door)
Peggy:”WAIT HANK! Don’t forget your fishing hat.”
Hank:”Oh yeah. Thanks, Peg Leg.”
“Andmake sure you stay outta trouble this weekend. The Pattersons may beour neighbors, but you should still KNOCK before coming thru theirfront door.”
Peggy:”It’s not my fault if they’re the one’s who aren’t beingneighborly. It’s almost like they’re afraid of me or something.”
Hank:(chuckles nervously) “Yeah.”
Peggy:”Don’t worry. Everything is under control.” (Hank andPeggy kiss)
“Goodbye,Hank. Fish the hell out of those trout!
(Hanksnods acceptingly, pulls the truck out, and takes off. Hank and Peggywave each other goodbye)
Part IV: Connie Calls Luanne
(phonerings, Luanne answers)
Luanne:”Hello?”
Connie:”Hey, Luanne. How’s it goin’?”
Luanne:”Fine. Bobby and Joseph just left with their dads on theircamping trip.”
Connie:”Sweet…Hey, if you’re not too busy this weekend, maybe we canhang out sometime?”
Luanne:”I’D LOVE LOVE IT!”
Connie:”Great. Just let me know when’s the best time for you.”
Luanne:”Okay. I got work both today and tomorrow afternoon, but I gotplenty of time in-between.”
Connie:”Great! Keep me posted. I gotta go. Bye.”
Luanne:”Buh-bye.” (both hang up)
Part V: Peggy’s Package Arrives
(closeto noon, a UPS truck pulls up in front of the Hills’ residence)
(doorbellrings)
Peggy:”I got it!” (walks to the door and opens it)
Deliveryman: “Pacakge for Peggy Hill.”
(Peggysigns the form then takes the package. Delivery man leaves)
(Peggywalks into the living room with her package)
Peggy:(to herself) “I cannot believe it is finally here!”
(Luanneemerges from her room)
Luanne:”Hey Aunt Peggy! What’s up?”
Peggy: “My entrance into teaching Biology iswhat’s up, doc.” (walks over to couch) “The TomLandry Middle School Biology teacher, Professor Hall, is retiringafter 25 years of service, and Principal Moss has appointed me,Peggy Hill, to be the new Biology teacher for grades 5 thru 8!”(Luanne walks over to couch) “Starting next year, we willbe learning about the prehistoric land masters; the dinosaurs! I haveordered a series of kits from Apex Discovery, and I intend on gettinga head start on examining each and every dinosaur from their physicalstructure to their diets. And Luanne, what better way for a youngwoman like you to spend the summer than help me, Peggy Hill, with herdinosaur models?”
Luanne: “Spending time at the beach?”(Peggy gives her a stern look)
(nervously) “I mean gosh, I’d love tohelp, Aunt Peggy!”
Part VI: Gluing Accident
(Luannetakes a seat on the couch next to Peggy; Peggy opens the package)
Peggy: “Okay, my model today is thestegosaurus. We just have to follow this simple set of instructions,and we will be on Easy Street.”
(beginsreading instructions) “First, be sure to have all of thepieces needed.” (dumps bone pieces on the coffee table)
“Second,make sure you have plenty of modeling glue.”(takes the tube of glue out the box and hands it to Luanne)
“Nowbefore we officially begin, I just need to grab a box of Kleenex, incase we make a mess of things. You proceed with Step 2.”
(Luannestares at Peggy blankly)
“Justmake sure we have enough glue.” (Peggyturns around reaching over the arm rest)
(Luanneopens the tube, and looks inside. She tries to shake some out, butnothing comes out. She then shakes harder, and finally squeezes thetube. A whole mess of glue squirts out of the tube.)
Peggy: (turnsaround) “What was that?”
Luanne:(hides tube) “Nothing!”
(Peggyturns back around. Luanne frets, because a long line of glue iscovered over Peggy’s back without Peggy’s notice.)
Peggy:(turns back to the couch with Kleenex box) “Okay, I got thetissue –“
Luanne:(sudden reaction) “I NEED SOME!” (she accidentallyknocks the box out of Peggy’s hands. It knocks most of the pile ofbones off the table)
Peggy“Luanne, will you PLEASE be more careful next time! Nowhelp me clean up this mess!”
(BothPeggy and Luanne scramble to pick up all of the bones.)
(Whenthey nearly had all of them collected, they were both kneeling on thefloor facing the opposite from each other. They slid closer to eachother, until they bumped into each other’s backs. Luanne, havingsuddenly remember the gluing accident, felt something squishy onPeggy’s back)
Luanne: (toherself) “Uh-oh…” (Peggy stands up; Luanneleviatates on her back, dropping all of the bones she collected)
Peggy:”Well, not much damage was done, but…” (suddensilence)
(Peggybegins turning around in a near-panicked state) “Luanne?Luanne! Where are you!”
Luanne:(truthfully) “Right here Aunt Peggy”. (Peggyturns her head around, only to see Luanne completely suspended to herback)
Peggy:”Luanne, what you are doing is a serious violation of mypersonal space.”
Luanne:”I had a little accident with the glue.”
Peggy:”What happened!” (reaches for glue tube)
(readsto herself) “Warning: This glue dries on contact,and is to be used for modeling purposes only. Any misuse of thisproduct, accidental or intentional, may result in seriousconsequences.”(drops tube)
(fearful)“Holy crap! We’re stuck like this!”
(themeto The Twilight Zone plays)
(Peggyscreaming; Luanne starts screaming)
(end of Act I)