Hello everyoneand welcome to my (short as hell) King of the Hill Fanfic. I do NOTown King of the Hill. It was created by Mike Judge and is currentlyairing on FOX. Oh yeah, and whenever Hwat appears, I KNOW thatit is usually spelled What. On the show, Hank says Hwatand not What. PLEASE DONT KILL ME! killed anyway And thesmoke part may be a bit surreal, but meh. Also, if it sucks, TELLME! Im not an asshole about criticism. If theres a way I canimprove I will try to take the advice and use it. Thank you forsitting through this 113 word long intro.
The heat wave sent thetemperature into record-breaking levels. Turning on grills was auseless task-the meat would cook either way. And in the middle ofthe whole thing, Dale Gribble was wearing a sweater.
Damn it Dale,said Hank, opening a cold beer. Why would you be wearing asweater?
Hey-man-talkin-bout-that-dang-ol-sweater-man-its-like-dang-ol-million-degrees-man,said Boomhauer, who was displaying his ability to not pause betweenwords.
Yknow I tried todo that once, announced Bill. Remember, a few years ago?
Yes, spat Hank,and you were sweating ten times more than you usually do.
Bill shed a tear andhung his head. That was one of the several factors that contributedto his wife divorcing him. And when I say several, I mean several. Hank decided to change the subject.
So Dale Hwat inthe hell were you thinking?
Dont you seeHank? Dale shouted in his oh-my-god-the-world-is-doomed tone. The only way to stop this from affecting us is to defy it! Thegovernment thinks that we think its nature, but its not! Itsa trick, and this will prove that Im onto them!
That is the craziestthing Ive ever heard, Hank concluded, rolling his eyes. Youdbetter not get that mumbo-jumbo into Bobbys brain, I tell youhwat.
You wont thinkits crazy once this glob bal warming stops, snorted Dale.
Hey! exclaimedBill, snapping out of his brief depression. Do I smell abarbeque?
Hey-that-dang-ol-Dale-man!shouted Boomhauer, pointing to smoke rising from Dales body. Get-some-dang-ol-water-man!
Aha! Dale saidtriumphantly. I have short circuited the system. He shriekedlike a little girl, then regained his senses (well the ones hehad, anyway). Ive done it.
Dale you idiot!scolded Hank. Bobby spends his time playing those GameBoy thingsand he still has more sense of the real world then you do.
Hank, Imrecording these conversations. Are you sure you want thosewords heard? Dale pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket. Hankpromptly smashed it. NOO! Youve destroyed myevidence!
You should bethankful, Hank told him. I destroyed key evidence of you beinga jackass.
I see Hank theexterminator murmured. I get it. After so many years of knowingyou, I finally figured you out.
Good, said Hank. Now lets stop all this nonsense about the government.
Ive figured out Dale paused. THAT YOURE ONE OF THEM!
Hank resisted his urgeto kick Dales ass. He picked a beer from the cooler and openedthe can.
So he started,avoiding his raving (not to mention frying) friend. Did you seethe football game last night?
Hank moanedBill, who was crying.
Bill, get over yourdivorce, Hank said.
No its notthat The smoke is burning my eyes!
Dale! snappedHank. For Gods sake, give up!
NO! Dale refused. The smoke cloud was increasing greatly. Im this close tofrying the date chip responsible for this!
Hey-man-I-cant-breath-man-that-dang-smoke–
Do you see how muchI smoke every day? snapped Dale. This is nothing. Ill showeveryone who beat me up in high school–
Dale collapsed to theground. His hat rolled onto the ground, and the cigarette in hismouth dropped out. Kahn watched out his window and rolled his eyes.
Redneck neighborshe sighed.
Dale woke up. He wasfloating through a purple abyss, where pictures of giant insects flewpast him. A computer chip was embedded into his chest, and anotherwas attached to his hatless head. Seeing that made his scream.
This is its
Yes Dale, a voiceanswered. Dale turned his head to see a bald man in a business suitfloating next to him. You guessed it.
Dales jaw dropped. The first reason was because his theories were proven right. Thesecond reason was because someone saw him without a hat, revealinghis baldness.
The strange manchuckled, then burst into a white light. The light grew smaller andchanged shape into that of a cat. The light faded, revealing apurple cat.
You run thegovernment? Dale asked in an action hero tone (probably to avoidthe fact that he just wet himself).
Yes the catpurred with an evil grin. Every government
I wont let youeliminate me. Dale glared through his sunglasses.
I dont need to,chuckled the evil ruler of the world. No one believes you. Iveseen all the proof I need today.
BASTARD!exclaimed Dale, who lunged at the cat. ILL GET YOU!
The cat stepped to theside. Dale was no longer able to float and dropped straight towardsthe bottom of the mysterious dimension. Black abyss grew closer andcloser, until
Dale opened his eyes tofind himself lying in the Arlen hospital. A doctor stared down athim, shaking his head.
Dale, you scared us. The burning clothes released several chemicals that commonly causeillusions. And your lungs are in pretty bad shape, so stay away fromsmoking.
I dont trustdoctors, spat Dale, smoking a cigarette (they should take thoseaway from patients!) and coughing.
Before the endingturned into the clich™ it was only a dream thing, apurple cat jumped through the window and cackled wickedly. Dalejumped onto it, causing his crazy level to jump from 505 to549. Thats right, there are levels of insanity.
THE END