King Of The Hill Porn Story: Skip to My Lu My Darling – Chapter 3

King
of the Hill

A
Connie & Luanne Episode

Skip
to My Lu My Darling

Written
by Mr. Semaj

Act
III

Scene
I Trouble Ahead

At a local toy
store, children and their parents start to ignore the Manger Babies
merchandise on the shelves.

At Rainey Street,
Boomhauer and Bill are standing dejectedly in the alley, as they both
had a pretty slow week.

Plans for the next
Manger Babies episode is put on hiatus.

Luanne and Patterson
meet in the living room later that week.

Luanne: And so, Mr. Patterson, the changes weve made are
not going well with audiences.

Patterson: I see where this is going. All those damn
sitcoms have built a natural immunity against the new guy.

Never
fret, Mrs. Platter. Well keep Bellamy the Bumblebee on for a few
more weeks, and theyll have no choice but to warm up to him.

Luanne: No-no-no, listen. Thats not how we run things
here. Our fans are our employees. I hired you, not as a fan, but
because I felt badly about using what was once yours.

I
hate doing this, butMr. Patterson, yourefired.

Patterson: You
cant do that to me.

Luanne:
Yeah-huh! This is my show, and Im still in charge of my
show.

Patterson: You must be mistaken, Mrs. Platter. If you had
reviewed the full contract, youd know that all of the creative
decisions go to me now. And, by right, I get to choose
who participates in this project.

Luanne tries to
speak

Patterson: Hold
that thought!

Bellamy
is the new permanent character on this show. Any new additions under
my jurisdiction are perfectly legal. And you will comply in
your following scripts, starting with the one due in two days, or
else youre off the team. Any questions?

Luanne remains silent as she starts twiddling her hair.

Patterson:
Good. Have a nice day!

He slams the door as
he walks out.

Patterson:
Thatll teach her to go Donald Trump on Jacques Q. Patterson!

Scene
II The Twist

Luanne and Connie
are hanging out at the Arlen Public Library the next afternoon.

Luanne: This is terrible! If I comply with Mr. Pattersons
standards, the show will be ruined forever, and everybody will blame
me! If I dont, Im off the show, and itll still be ruined!

Connie: It
happens a lot on television. Look what happened to Ren & Stimpy.

Connie is skimming
through the index files in the archive section.

Luanne: I created the Manger Babies, because I had a
vision. I wanted to make religion fun and interesting for todays
youth, especially in a time where Christian morals are slowly fading
from modern society.

Luanne kneels down
on the floor.

Luanne (to herself): Dear God, Im in need of help
now more than ever. I wanted to make your Words accessible to my
fellow Christians, and its all being taken away from me.

Oh
Lord, please help me! Anything at alljust let me know its all
going to be okay.

Amen.

As Connie continues
thumbing through the index files, Luanne sits down at the table,
moping to herself.

Connie picks an
index card, which reveals some very important information.

Connie: Hey
Lu, come here! (Luanne rushes over)

Take
a look at this!

The two review the
picked index card. They stare at each other with marvel

The girls find the
nearest microfilm machine to look up the information in the Arlen
Bystander Archives. When Connie gets to the correct date, she prints
it up, and she and Luanne reads the article together.

Luanne:
OhmyGod!

That evening, back
at the Souphanousinphones, Connie is reclining on the couch, while
Luanne is pacing back and forth. Kahn and Minh are in the kitchen.

Luanne: I cant believe this! The owner of Patterson
Puppets was a fraud! What am I gonna do?

Connie: Relax,
Lu. At least youre not sunk.

Luanne: What
do you mean?

Connie: Your
next story is due tomorrow, right?

Luanne: Right.

Connie: So,
just come up with an all-new story, the way you intend for it
to be.

Luanne: But
what about Bellamy the Bumblebee?

Connie: Bellamy will be no more come next week. In fact,
Im going to help you write this new script.

Luanne: You
will? Really?

Connie:
Indeed.

Luanne: Youre
a real friend, Connie. Ill have to repay you somehow. Anything,
you name it.

Connie:
Anything? Well

Connie visualizes
her favor. She envisions Luanne and Joseph brushing and combing her
long Rapunzel-like hair.

Connie: But
for now, we do the script.

Scene
III The All-Nighter

Connie and Luanne
stroll over to Connies computer. As they walk, the Bee Gees
More than a Woman plays, which turns out to be on Connies
radio.

Luanne opens her
Bible, and starts jotting down different passages.

Connie warms up her
computer and opens the Microsoft Word program.

An hour passes.

Luanne is finally
ready for the presentation..

Luanne proclaims the
appropriate parts for Obadiah, Hosea, Octopus, and Sir Reginald.

Connie types in the
situation, the setting, and the characters parts.

Another two hours
pass.

Connie starts to
revise the sections, and fix typos.

Luanne gives
suggestions on which scenes should be improved, and how the
characters should act or move.

As Connie continues
making revisions, she sips a cup of green tea.

Yet another hour
passes.

After the final
revision, Connie saves the document, and prints up the first copy.

By this time, it is
way past bedtime. The girls turn out the lights and jump into bed
together.

The music fades

Scene
IV The Improved Manger Babies

The next day, Luanne
reports to Arlen First Methodist Church, with a fresh script wrapped
in a document cover.

Before everybody
leaves from the sermon, Joseph stops by in the activities/theatre
room as Luanne is preparing for the next show.

Joseph: Luanne?

Good
luck.

Joseph leaves as the
theme song plays and the show begins.

Luanne sings the
theme song with the characters previous names.

Octopus:
Gurgle-gurgle.

Hosea: Meow-right, Octi. We spent the last two weeks
fooling each other with pseudonyms. What a wild ride.

Sir Reginald: I
daresay, guvnor. It was getting quite tiresome.

Obadiah:
Hee-haw! I agree.

Luanne: Now
that we got our real names back, what are we going to do this week?

Obadiah: A
trip to the arcade?

Hosea: A day
at the playground?

Sir Reginald:
Hows about a spot of tea?

Octopus:
Gurgle. Gurgle-gurgle-gurgle?

Luanne: Thats
a great idea, Octopus!

Today,
we are going to the art museum!

Manger Babies:
Yay!!

The audience mutters
for a moment as they regain some enthusiasm.

By Act III, Manger
Babies are examining a canvas with red, yellow, blue, and green.

Hosea:
Meow-dont know. What does it look like?

Obadiah: It
looks like a game of Uno.

Octopus:
Gurgle.

Sir Reginald:
It reminds me of an old pastime; billiards.

Luanne (gasps):
Billiards?

Sir Reginald: Thats right, brilliant billiards! Each
color represents a dash of strength in the game.

The
red expresses true fortitude in a jolly
ol competition. The green shows the
natural fun in playing the game. The blue
shows the valor and dedication to the game. The yellow
shows your respect for your fellow man.

Hosea: Meow! Who knew that colors could be so colorful?

Obadiah: And not just in rainbows, but in all kinds of
paintings. Hee-haw!

Octopus: Gurgle gurgle!

Bellamy the Bumblebee flies in.

Bellamy: Hello, guys!

I
heard you were talking about colors, and that reminds me of a special
type of flower some of us bees use for pollen.

The audience groans.

Museum Guard: Halt!

Bellamy: Whats the problem, Mr. Guard, sir?

Museum Guard: You came in here without paying.

Bellamy: Sorry. I thought this was Free Admission Day.

Sir Reginald: No-no, my good friend. That is only during
the summer season, when all the good children have the world for the
taking.

The children in the audience cheers.

Museum Guard: Mr. Featherbottom is right. And we have a
strict punishment for fare evaders here.

Luanne: Uh-oh.

Museum Guard: We lock them in a closet!

Bellamy: Oh no! AAAH! (Bellamy is sent away)

Hosea: Bye-bye, Bellamy.

Obadiah: Well miss you.

Octopus: Gurgle.

Sir Reginald: Well, in spite of the minor discrepancy, I
must say that we had a marvelous outing today.

Others: Amen!

Luanne: We
sure did, Sir Featherbottom.

So
kids, next time youre out somewhere, try to examine the colors of
life. Colors can express any range of emotions. Im sure feeling a
bit orange today.

Sir Reginald: And a bit of violet,
too.

Luanne: Right! It all depends on your interpretation.

Oh,
and unless its the good ol summertime, remember to pay for
admission at your local art museum.

As the ending theme
plays, the audience cheers and lets off a big applause. Luanne takes
her bow.

Patterson walks in
to see the end of the show.

Two kids in the
audience are wondering something.

Girl: So what
happens to Bellamy the Bumblebee?

Boy: Who
cares? Hes dead.

Patterson:
Whats all this now?

Back at home, Hank
and Lucky are enjoying the show while drinking beer. Ladybird is
chewing on a ball.

Lucky: I knew
my girl would make the right choice eventually.

Hank: She may not be the smartest, or the most experienced,
but you have to admire her spirit.

The applause continues on the television screen.

A long line of
children gets Luannes autograph again.

Scene
V Null & Void

Back at Reverend
Stroups office, Luanne meets up with the reverend.

Reverend Stroup: Excellent show, Luanne! I dont know how
you did it, but you brought the Manger Babies back from the grave!

The door bursts
open, as Patterson walks in dissatisfied with the show.

Patterson:
Well, Mrs. Platter. You defied your contractual obligations.

Im
sorry to have to do this, or perhaps not, but I hereby relieve you of
your duties.

Connie: Not
so fast. (Connie walks into the reverends office.)

I
stopped by to congratulate Luanne on the sudden comeback of the
Manger Babies, but now I see this has become a shakedown.

Reverend Stroup: Connie, honey, I didnt like the
direction the show was going either, but Luanne did break the
obligations from her contract.

Patterson: Hey, you said you liked the new show!

Connie: Um, no. It turns out Im the only one who read
the contract correctly.

Reverend Stroup: Whatever do you mean, honey?

Connie: According to Section 3, Paragraph 5, complete
ownership of the Manger Babies shall be relinquished to the new
owner, which in your case, Mr. Patterson, would be Luanne, if the
original owner has any responsibility for the puppets original
demise.

Reverend Stroup: But Mr. Patterson cancelled circulation of
the puppets for personal reasons.

Patterson: Do you have any idea how popular Alvin and the
Chipmunks were in my day?

Connie: He obviously didnt tell you the full story.
(walks over to Reverend Stroups desk)

Mrs. Stroup, this man is a fraud! (hands her a copy of the
archive article)

Reverend Stroup puts on her reading glasses and reads it.
Patterson starts to sweat.

Reverend Stroup: According to this article, dated July 30,
1964, Patterson Puppets went out of business, after the puppets
failed to make an impression on children and their families. The
puppets enjoyed only a brief and modest success from the time they
were created by 32 year-old Jacques Patterson in 1957, but were
quickly overshadowed by the competition, including Walt Disney,
Warner Bros., and Walter Lantz, all of whose merchandising tie-ins
were strengthened by the syndication of their theatrical cartoons.

Patterson
Puppets lukewarm reception with the public can be attributed to
several factors. In addition to the competition, weak
characterizations from Dunstan, Casey, Octavio VIII, and Percy, the
flagship puppets, prevented them from fully connecting with children,
due to the puppeteers sporadic attention to detail. But the
deathblow for Patterson can be attributed to the failure of the
newest puppet, Bellamy the Bumblebee, who was considered the most
unlikable in the Patterson Puppets canon.

Mr.
Patterson was not available for comment.

Luanne: That explains why, even though Mr. Patterson wrote
his own scripts, he never sat-in on their actual performances.

Connie: He was at times an absentee businessman. In fact,
he moved to Wichita Falls right after his business collapsed. And
everybody hated Bellamy the Bumblebee, because hes such a one-note
character.

Patterson: And yet somehow, an octopus who says but one
freaking word fared better.

Look,
whatever this is about, this is probably a huge misunderstanding.

Reverend Stroup: Im afraid it is.

Jacques Pattersonyoure fried.

Patterson: Aw, dammit! Dammit all to freaking hell!

Everybody gasps.

Patterson: I figured in time, everyone wouldve forgotten
that debacle. Then I wouldve made a fresh start among the next
generation.

Reverend Stroup: Not quite. Your re-tooling of this
wonderful show has cost us the faith of our Christian community, the
last thing we need anymore in this world. And the only reason so many
people forgot Patterson Puppets was because they were barely worth
remembering in the first place.

Your
products found success from this young lady, because she knows what
the audience wants. And that sir, is why the name Patterson
Puppets is null and void.

Luanne and Connie
squeal in delight.

Patterson:
AARGGH!!

Patterson throws his
hat on the ground and starts stomping on it, as Luanne, Connie, and
Reverend Stroup enjoy their victory.

Later, Reverend
Stroup goes over the revised contract with Luanne and Connie.

Reverend Stroup: And let it be known, from this day
forward, that any and all properties by the name of Patterson Puppets
shall be known as the Manger Babies, and the owner of said name
retains all ownership to the marionette puppets unless she
relinquishes ownership for any reason upon her own will.

Luanne: And let it also be known, that I am appointing all
creative decisions to my best friend, Connie Souphanousinphone. Each
new script and overall content will meet her authorization before
airtime.

Connie: Okay.

Youll
finally have more time to prepare for parenthood.

Luanne: Yes. And Im sure youll make an excellent
advisor.

Reverend Stroup: So, are we all agreed?

Girls: Agreed.

Luanne signs the new
contract. She shakes hands with Reverend Stroup and Connie.

Scene
VI Back to the Basics

The following
Sunday, Luanne puts on a spectacular performance of the improved
Manger Babies. The audience was laughing at a joke that was just
made.

Luanne: Well, we all had fun today. We learned to be
blessed for our individual talents. Whatever it may be, sing a song,
dance a dance, draw a drawing, anything that defines you.

Remember,
each one of our talents can help contribute to a better world and a
brighter tomorrow. Thank you!

The audience cheers
and applauds.

Back at home,
Connie, Joseph, Bobby, Maria, and Lucky have regained interest in the
Manger Babies as well.

From the window,
Kahn and Minh show their approval.

Hank, Bill,
Boomhauer, and Dale are all sipping beer in the alley.

Hank: Yep.

Bill: Yep.

Boomhauer:
Mm-hmm.

Dale: Yep.

The men are looking
at the clouds that are shaped like the Manger Babies. Obadiah the
Donkey, Hosea the Cat, Octopus, and Sir Reginald Featherbottom III.

Two weeks later,
everybody is waiting nervously in the Hills living room. Theyre
waiting for Luanne to come home.

The door opens

Luanne comes in

Everyone shows signs
of satisfaction as Luanne came in with her first ever Emmy Award.

That evening, Maria
is in the kitchen feeding Bobby grapes from a fruit basket Luanne
received.

Luanne, Connie,
Lucky, and Joseph are all watching television on the Hills couch.

They are watching as
Jamie Weinman gives a speech in front of an enthusiastic audience.

Jamie J. Weinman: The show is back with a vengeance. And it
is with great pleasure that I declare The Manger Babies the most
Outstanding Childrens Program of the Year! (gives a thumbs
up)

Crowd applauds.

Nancy: That was the scene today at the Television Critics
Association Summit, where the Manger Babies received accolades,
following its surprise comeback from a brief downturn.

Show
creator Luanne Platter earned the very first Emmy win for both
herself and Channel 84.

Jamie J. Weinman:
Its like the old saying: Theres nothing like getting back to
the basics.

Luanne, Connie,
Lucky, and Joseph all agreed.

Altogether:
Amen!

Screen shuts off.

(end
of Act III)

The
End

Tagline:

Jamie
J. Weinman: Thats all folks!

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